A new chapter

...or Another (and possibly more persistent) disappearance of Ms Misantropia
What the hell happened to time, people?
The last 6 months or so, I have started measuring my life by events
instead of hours, weeks and months. And holy SHIT. Time has just disappeared.
Is this what actual life is? Because then it will be over way faster than I thought.

Ok, enough philosophizing.

Let me start by telling you about the things that have remained the same:
I am still in my little house in the countryside, and I still have my two furry babies
with me. That's about it, the rest is new. I have a new job, a new man
and even the way I see the world, myself, my desires, my future...is all new.

I left the ice-cream truck behind about a month ago, with no regrets.
By then I was in a half desperate state after 9 months at that place,
but still (at 40) without the slightest clue as to what I wanted to do instead.
Then I passed by an ad from an ecological/local produce shop/restaurant
just across the hill from me - a lovely rustic place with amazing food.
I sent out a quick letter and the same evening my truck was robbed on the job.
The new place got back to me the next day and I never went back to my old job.
The man. Hmm, what to say... Also, he should probably get a nickname, right?
Tall guy? Super Swedish divorced single dad environmentalist? Slender Man..?
Anywho, we met online and had a crazy month of you-are-nothing-like-
what-I-am-used-to-and-this-will-never-work. Then this... kind of... tenderness
started to creep in. He does this thing where he looks at me, pulls a dazed smile,
shakes his head and sighs. He wraps his impossibly long strong arms around me.
And he tells me he loves me. It's weird, it's exhilarating, it's totally freaking me out,
it's making me feel so warm. That's all I'm gonna say about it right now.

Now, to my mind. This is going to sound completely crazy however I say it,
so I'll just say it. You know how you have slightly (or not so slightly) different
personalities with different people, or in different situations? Afraid of sounding
like I'm having a dissociative episode, I think I have finally been able to identify
all the different influences in my fractured mind and get them to start working together.
I call them my 5 demons, and with their help (and probably also new guy's help)
I feel like I am finally starting to see myself, and my place in the world, more clearly.
It's pretty huge for me. Life doesn't feel entirely hopeless anymore.

With all that said, I don't think I will be getting back to blogging anytime soon.
I have too many things going on in my life right now that I need to focus on.
I just happen to be down with strep throat right now and wanted to check in.
I hope you guys are all good, or at least holding on. Miss you!



The disappearance of Ms Misantropia

First, there was the birthday trip to the States (which I will write about real soon,
I promise!) which culminated in me catching bronchitis on the plane home.
Since I'm working outdoors it was bound to take a firm hold. But just as I was
getting better, my doctor told me she wanted me to cut down on sleeping pills.
10 days of insomnia hell, coupled with lots of craziness at work really took
the last shard of focus and sentence-building away from me.

So here we are, 10 weeks since my last blog post. It's the first of advent,
the day when most Swedes decorate their homes for Jul, light a candle, eat pepparkakor
and drink glögg. But I am cleaning house, drinking red wine and joining the union
(the Swedish union is nothing like the corrupt American system). Us coworkers decided
yesterday to fight the boss man on him closing shop for 6 weeks (without pay).
It might end up being a really infected, drawn out struggle ending in us all being fired
- when all I really want to do is Xmassy stuff, like decorating and baking.

On a different note; Facebook is just REALLY depressing me lately.
For the umpteenth time I am considering quitting it. I'm not that active anyway.
What about you, the last blog friend who actually checks up on my posts?
How have you been? How is your work situation? And how fed up with FB are you?


Before the journey, and fear, and rediscovery

Every journey starts in the mind, in the imagination. Big journeys,
life-changing journeys, have often been brewing in there for a long time.
In my case; years. When I tell people about my upcoming trip they are happy
and supportive for a moment, but then they move on to whatever task is at hand.
They don't feel the rusty cogs inside me just beginning to turn anew,
all the emotions that almost feel like sense memories. I used to do this,
I used to be this person - the unafraid Vagabond. Where did she hide all these years?

People keep telling me; You're turning 40? You seem/look/act younger!
But do I, really? Isn't it just the case that life gets in the way at some point?
It wears us down, makes us suppress parts of ourselves. Sometimes vital parts.
A faraway friend told me something the other day that stuck with me.
It had nothing to do with travels, but all to do with loving yourself,
about accepting yourself - and rocking it, whatever you do. In the same vein,
I have this little card stuck to my bathroom mirror, it roughly translates to:
You should give/feed the body something nice, to make the soul want to reside in it.

So I am making the leap, taking the trip, going the distance
- even though it scares the current me to death. Because the old me is laughing!
Curiously, she has been in charge of several things lately, things I didn't even know
I still had in me. But she is pretty smart and she trusts her gut,
so I'm gonna let her take the reins on this one. Who knows where it will lead us!


Movie quick hits 2017

I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore - Actual normal people in a good dramedy!

The Big Sick - Dude doesn't have an animated face, but it is actually really moving.

The Mummy -  Another stupid Tom Cruise-and-younger-woman (women) movie.

Rough Night - Starts off kind of  'meh' but actually gets better, funnier and sweeter.

Beauty and the Beast - Exact copy of the animated 90's movie.

Logan - Good, obviously, but a little depressing. Would love to see more of  X-23.

Annabelle: Creation - Very much like previous ghost movies in the franchise.

It comes at Night - NOTHING comes at night. Seriously. Bad marketing and title.

Wonder Woman - Kick-ass super hero, good story, lame ass villain.

Alien: Covenenant - All about David, but I do love all Alien movies, big time.

Before I Fall - Hmm. Only watch if you're bored, or a 16-year-old girl.

The Great Wall - Expect Hollywoodified Asian fantasy. It basically sucked.

A Cure for Wellness - Interesting. Stylish. Confusing. Then what..why..? Stupid.

Personal Shopper - Most boring movie of the year. And that's not saying much.

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